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• Skittles - A Modest Proposal
  Photo: Watch out for the orange ones.
  By: Joe Messina, politics, Skittles, Trump, refugees
  
  (SNN) Recently, Donald Trump Jr. compared the Syrian refugee crisis to a bowl of Skittles, asking us if we would eat a handful of Skittles knowing that there are three Skittles in the bowl that might kill you. Leaving aside the fact that both refugees and Skittles both face a good deal of scrutiny before entering our mouths and country, Trump has a point. We can vet all we want but we will still never be 100% sure that no refugee will ever...
  
  
• Future News: Syria Rejects American Refugees
  Photo: Survivors of the iPad incident
  By: Joe Messina
  
  (SNN) The Syrian government has announced this week that they will not admit refugees fleeing the violence in the war-torn United States. After years of refusing to pass legislation to address mounting gun violence, the US has devolved into a hellscape of 24-year-old white guys on constant shooting rampages. “We want to be compassionate,” said Nizar Mohammed, who is running for president in Syria. “But many of the refugees...
  
  
• Hillary Clinton: America's Safety President
  Photo: Pic of candidate in front of flag: Check
  By: Joe Messina
  
  (SNN) Over and over my liberal friends tell me Hillary Clinton is the “safe” option for president. If Democrats don’t want a Republican to win, we have to nominate Hillary Clinton. Bernie Sanders can’t win because he can’t beat Hillary Clinton because we’re all supporting Hillary Clinton. Yeah, it would be nice if Sanders could win, but we’re all going to vote for Clinton because we don’t think...
  
  
• Humans Mourn Loss of Monster Who Would Love to Eat Their Children
  Photo: A lawyer after explaining the Law of the Jungle to his client.
  By: Joe Messina
  
  (SNN) Social media erupted this week when American dentist Walter Palmer posted a selfie with Cecil, an African lion he hunted and killed. The photo has launched a movement to stop the senseless killing of monsters that would eat human babies alive given the chance with no remorse whatsoever. Activists have posted signs at Palmer’s dental practice and used Facebook and Twitter to show their support for the slain heartless killing machine...
  
  
• White House Reports 120,000 New Dead-End Jobs This Month
  Photo: They deserve a break today
  By: Joe Messina
  
  (SNN) Washington, D.C. – The Bureau of Labor Statistics has released its monthly employment report, and the White House is proud to announce 120,000 new jobs that will keep employees in perpetual wage slavery. “Just one month ago, 120,000 Americans were trapped in crushing poverty,” White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest told reporters this week. “Now each one of those citizens is able to work to sustain that crushing...